7.25.2004
B PLEASE
I've been to a lot of baseball games in my life but sometimes I lament the fact that I've never seen something historic, like a record-breaking hit or a no-hitter. I have, however, seen some fantastic brawls. A couple years ago, I saw seventy-something Sox pitching coach Tony Cloninger grab a young Oriole by the collar, take him into a headlock and then proceed to punch the crap out of him. I thought I saw Don Zimmer die during the playoffs last year. Today, though, something happened that will re-calibrate how I see and judge baseball brawls from here to eternity. It all began when Yankee 3B Alex Rodriguez somehow took his bitch-ness to a whole new level, jawing at pitcher Bronson Arroyo after getting tapped with an innocent, gentle Arroyo curve. F-bombs were dropped, fingers were pointed and next thing you know, players are rolling around on the ground, A-Rod and Varitek are beating each other up and Yanks pitcher Tanyon Sturtze is walking off the field with blood trailing from his ear. The crowd erupted into this "Yankees Suck!" chant and the mother in front of me starts shaking her fist and joining in. Her son, who was about seven and a Yankee fan, protested to this, first imploring his mom to stop, then shaking her and finally slapping her across the face until she would stop. It was unbelievable.
7.23.2004
"I know you hate requests, but do you have any Shannon?"
My mother, after a meal at The Helmand: "America, what a funny place. They'll go to war with you, but then eat your food, too."
Last night, as Nas' "One Love" was playing:
Do you have any more Moroccan music?
More Moroccan music?
Yes.
More?
Yes.
No, we don't have any Moroccan music, sorry.
(Silence. Disappointed, almost judging look.)
Sorry.
(Disappears around corner.)
(To Chhay, the other DJ) Did she say Moroccan music? Or 'more rockin'' music? I didn't know we played Moroccan music here.
(Re-emerges from behind wall) I said Moroccan music. Something more mellow. (Squeezes face) Not this gangster rap.
Last night, as Nas' "One Love" was playing:
Do you have any more Moroccan music?
More Moroccan music?
Yes.
More?
Yes.
No, we don't have any Moroccan music, sorry.
(Silence. Disappointed, almost judging look.)
Sorry.
(Disappears around corner.)
(To Chhay, the other DJ) Did she say Moroccan music? Or 'more rockin'' music? I didn't know we played Moroccan music here.
(Re-emerges from behind wall) I said Moroccan music. Something more mellow. (Squeezes face) Not this gangster rap.
Labels: ACTUAL CONVERSATIONS
7.18.2004
La Familia
Hua: How is Derek doing?
Mother: He's fine. He just bought a pair of glasses. It's because...what's the name of that music he listens to?
H: Emo.
M: Yes. He bought a pair of glasses but there are no lenses. Because he listens to Emo.
H: Plastic glasses?
M: Plastic. But no lenses.
H: But Derek isn't Emo is he? Has he changed since I was last home?
Father: No, Derek isn't Emo. But James is Emo. Or is it Derek? No, it's James - he's Emo.
M: Yes, Derek isn't Emo. His school friends are Emo. That one tall boy with the painted nails. But Derek bought the glasses and a poster.
END
Observations from the weeks that were:
-Jim Jones' Sizurp Purple Punch doesn't taste as bad as one might think.
-Anyone who saw this knows that this guy did not deserve to win a million dollars. He had no skills whatsoever. Balls were flying offscreen into the dugout.
-Nothing to do on a Saturday night in Baltimore? Park your rental in front of the Washington Monument in Mount Vernon and listen to this.
-I haven't publicly big-upped Eugene (my non-Derek, non-James, non-Emo cousin) in a long time. He recently put up an amazing site dedicated to his trip to the Middle East.
-Even though it unspools near the end, I'm really glad I never read Hanif Kureishi's The Black Album back when I bought it, as it probably would have tampered with my faith in things like activism, political movements and the academy that much earlier. (Similarly, I'm glad I had learned the rules of alcoholic moderation long before even hearing of Fred Exley's A Fan's Notes, since the book's whiskey tractor beam would probably have fouled me up at a younger age.)
-If anyone's got the hook-up with the California Highway Patrol's 11-99 Foundation, get at me!
Mother: He's fine. He just bought a pair of glasses. It's because...what's the name of that music he listens to?
H: Emo.
M: Yes. He bought a pair of glasses but there are no lenses. Because he listens to Emo.
H: Plastic glasses?
M: Plastic. But no lenses.
H: But Derek isn't Emo is he? Has he changed since I was last home?
Father: No, Derek isn't Emo. But James is Emo. Or is it Derek? No, it's James - he's Emo.
M: Yes, Derek isn't Emo. His school friends are Emo. That one tall boy with the painted nails. But Derek bought the glasses and a poster.
END
Observations from the weeks that were:
-Jim Jones' Sizurp Purple Punch doesn't taste as bad as one might think.
-Anyone who saw this knows that this guy did not deserve to win a million dollars. He had no skills whatsoever. Balls were flying offscreen into the dugout.
-Nothing to do on a Saturday night in Baltimore? Park your rental in front of the Washington Monument in Mount Vernon and listen to this.
-I haven't publicly big-upped Eugene (my non-Derek, non-James, non-Emo cousin) in a long time. He recently put up an amazing site dedicated to his trip to the Middle East.
-Even though it unspools near the end, I'm really glad I never read Hanif Kureishi's The Black Album back when I bought it, as it probably would have tampered with my faith in things like activism, political movements and the academy that much earlier. (Similarly, I'm glad I had learned the rules of alcoholic moderation long before even hearing of Fred Exley's A Fan's Notes, since the book's whiskey tractor beam would probably have fouled me up at a younger age.)
-If anyone's got the hook-up with the California Highway Patrol's 11-99 Foundation, get at me!
Labels: ACTUAL CONVERSATIONS
7.02.2004
I GIVE UP (pt. 2)
If it's that easy to switch teams and demand trades, don't you half-expect all these current NBA stars to go into the Hall of Fame wearing these?
I GIVE UP
